Perhaps the reason the unknown speaker of the quote, “If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective,” is unknown because the advice has been wise and true for so long that it predates recorded history. This is the case with most good advice, but unfortunately, it’s also true that changing your perspective can be incredibly difficult and sometimes impossible. No one is ever 100% in control of their life, and this notion seems even truer when someone is in a romantic relationship with another individual.
Once you have to constantly consider or contemplate someone else’s emotions, behaviors, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives alongside you own, things almost immediately get exponentially more complicated and more difficult to manage effectively. It stands to reason that in healthy relationships each partner should attempt to treat the other how they themselves would like to be treated—except if the person knows their partner’s preferences differ in particular instances, of course. However, it seems that this is rarely the case in reality.
Unfortunately, disappointment must be managed and overcome in life on a regular and continual basis; yet, it is a little easier to take if your expectations always remain reasonable (even this often means they won’t be ideal). It definitely helps to be conscious of the facts that another person—even your partner—probably won’t respond to things precisely as you expect they will, they probably won’t care about things to the same degree you do, and they almost certainly won’t think exactly the same way you do.
Altering your perception of what you desire to happen to what is most likely to happy isn’t easy, but it is possible to achieve by following the steps below.
#1: Be conscious of reality.
It’s vital to acknowledge your partner’s behavior even if you don’t enjoy or approve of it; in fact, it’s even more important to acknowledge and accept consistent behavior that you perceive as being negative. If you can’t accept the way reality is—and the way your partner is—you are setting yourself up for consistent and detrimental disappointment.
#2: Do not manipulate circumstances.
Validation and approval should not be used as methods or tools to get what you want. Aside from being deceptive and bordering on being evil, these faux emotions will eventually result in internal feelings of emptiness or unfulfillment.
Release inappropriate expectations, assumptions, hopes, wishes, and dreams by focusing on what you can do in the present to increase the likelihood things will improve in the future. This will require you to take action, which will require you to stay present and focused—which will result in a more fulfilling present and future.
#4: Concentrate on the people you love the most.
These people will tend to be the people who make you feel loved the most, and focusing on devoting thoughts to them and spending time with them will tend to enable you to love yourself more—or to realize why you’re worthy of being loved more.
#5: Acknowledge your self-worth.
It’s imperative to give yourself compliments, compassion, and encouragement when you deserve it; it is prudent to be humble, but it is unwise to deny reality or dignity out of humility. This will provide you with the self-confidence that you both deserve and require, and it will help significantly when it comes to making yourself happy and peaceful over the short term and long term.
*This content was inspired by an amazing article that can be found here.