Lloyd Strom argues that, “Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” Even though this notion may not be 100% accurate, it’s definitely worth thinking about further and more deeply. More specifically, there are three questions that everyone should ask themselves before entering into a relationship; if these questions are answered honestly and well, then it’s likely that love will bloom. So, please ask, answer, and benefit from the questions, info, and insights below.
#1: Why do you want the relationship to exist?
It’s unwise to make any relationship official without knowing what your genuine intentions are (and what the true intentions of the other person are, if it’s possible to figure this out for sure). Relationships that form simply because one person likes the other person or because one person wants to love or be loved rarely work out in the long-term. However, having specific goals or desires at the start of a relationship is even more beneficial than having distinct intentions.
In fact, even if you enter into a relationship with the goal realizing more peace in your life then it will help you focus on happiness and success. Moreover, if you do choose peace as a goal then you’ll be reminded of it whenever disagreements or fights occur—and it will probably make them easier to overcome and move forward from.
#2: What traits or beliefs could prevent the relationship from thriving or lasting?
It’s important to be honest with yourself and realize from the get-go if significant problems or pain is on the horizon of the potential relationship. For instance, if one person is genuinely afraid of falling in love then that will likely be an impossible obstacle for any relationship to overcome. Even though fears like this may seem unreasonable, many human beings feel as though being in love with someone makes them extremely weak and vulnerable (and they could very well be right). Additionally, many individuals truly feel as though they aren’t worthy of being loved, and this makes it impossible for them to really enjoy being loved or loving anyone else.
It’s easy to imagine other issues that could make particular relationships impossible, such as when one person isn’t comfortable with their appearance, their accomplishments, or their position in life in general. If nothing else, before you enter into a relationship you must realize that these traits, behaviors, and beliefs must be overcome or altered if the relationship is to succeed long-term. Before you can move past these things, you must acknowledge them, accept them, and commit to taking positive action. In order to do any of this, you must be curious about your characteristics and beliefs, and you must be willing to question and adjust them.
#3: Do you desire a romantic relationship with the person—or a romantic relationship period?
Keep in mind that desiring a romantic relationship with a person’s body is not the same as longing for a romantic relationship with a person themselves. By the same token, entering into a relationship with someone because they are incredibly intelligent, funny, or empathetic is not prudent either. However, if you want to form a relationship with someone because you’re in love them—or because you get the feeling you’ll always be in love with them—then your odds of success will skyrocket.
It’s also helpful to think that if your partner doesn’t share a spiritual connection or perspective with you, then it’s not likely that one will develop as more time passes (and it’s not likely that meaningful and lasting love will develop). This isn’t to say that it isn’t OK to date someone without feeling these strong emotions beforehand; it’s just safe to say that committing to someone just for the sake of being in a relationship will almost always end negatively when all is said and done—or when some things are never said and never done.
*This content was inspired by an amazing article that can be found here.